Rejection

I don't deal particularly well with rejection. So you can imagine how I might have felt the other morning when I woke up from a dream in which I was being consistently and systematically being rejected by a series of recruiters from various agencies, including the government and the armed forces. Everything about me was inadequate. I hadn't studied the field sufficiently. I needed more experience. I didn't know the answers to basic questions. I didn't know the history of each field. I couldn't do basic calculations because I didn't have the formulas memorized. I didn't know the people I needed to know. I didn't have references. All of this was enormously frustrating in my dream.

However, if I may attempt to comfort myself, I also noticed, while dreaming, that there were thousands of other applicants to the same positions (there were several dozen jobs I was trying out for) and many of them received a zero in most, if not all, of their aptitude tests. My average score was around 20% on every test. The successful applicants scored at or near 100%.

What is wrong with me? Well, there's nothing wrong with me. The reasons for scoring low on tests and failing criteria was that I simply had not had the exposure to the right factors. I could have had all the knowledge, if I had been arsed to go out and learn it. I could have met the people involved, got to know them, and got references from them. They were listed in directories for that purpose. And yet, for some reason, I had never done any of these things. I had never wanted any of these jobs badly enough to go out and actually learn anything about them. This is why I was rejected 100% of the time.

So what is the lesson that I need to learn? Well, people aren't ready to just take a chance on someone who has no knowledge of what it is they're getting themselves into. I know I'll be a great asset, but they don't, and I don't have any evidence beyond my word to go by. And these days, no one's word is worth anything. Especially the word of a stranger. The word of someone who nobody knows, who just showed up out of the blue.

After all, how have things gotten done throughout history? People did what their parents did. And why can't I do that? Well, it is an option. It's not something I want to do, but I could go work for my dad, doing exactly what he's doing.

Except in my dad's case, he didn't do what his dad did. My dad created his own niche in the world, and I suppose that is why I have such a hard time occupying the niche that he carved. He's a niche-carver, an entrepreneur, and if I want to follow in his footsteps, what I have to do is not follow in anyone's footsteps. Which makes life difficult for me. But maybe if I am mindful of this, I can watch out for the pitfalls. And yes, I can call him up and ask him for advice about treading in untrodden territory.

Well, that out of the way, I have this problem of rejection. The other aspect of it, which I was hinting at earlier, is that a lot of people get rejected before they even get in the door. So obviously I have something special. I am somehow unique, and I do have the skills to at least get a good deal of momentum going and get my career rolling. If only I could convince someone to take a chance on me.

Ugh, but I hate that language. As if I'm begging. I'm special, dammit! Why can't anyone see that? Why do I have to go with my hands wringing?

Well, I guess I don't. All I need is solid evidence that I am the perfect asset for the job. And this will take some education. It will take digging, and hand-shaking. I will have to get to know some of the people who are in this industry. It'll take reading whatever there is to read about it. And it will take me trying not to get bored, or bogged down in my own thing.

Speaking of getting bogged down, I think my attitude toward my current work could use an adjustment. One option I have is to just accept the job I have now as a good job, and just keep on doing it, saving money until the end. There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people work crappy, low-paying jobs their entire lives.

But am I lots of people? Well, I thought I wasn't, but part of the problem is that a lot of people in the world of job opportunities are going to want to classify me as one of the many who don't deserve anything better than a Joe-job. At least, as far as their sphere is concerned. You see, I take things too personal. To the vast majority of people in the world, I'm of absolutely no consequence. I might as well just die. I'm taking up space in their busy schedule. But why should I take this personally? I shouldn't. I know my own value, and that's enough for me. And every once in a while, if I should happen to encounter someone who seems to take an unwarranted interest in me, I should be ecstatic. I know this can happen, because it has happened.

Mind you, I find that the people who are most interested in me as a person are the people I'm paying to do so. For example, my college professors. They're working for me. And so they exhibit this degree of care that I don't see elsewhere. I seem to get the same treatment from my doctor, the hairdresser, people at the clothing store, counsellors, therapists, and the people at the blood donor clinic (although I'm paying them in blood, not money).

But to go back a little bit in my thoughts, my theory on rejection, the lesson I got from the dream I had last night, is that rejection is avoidable. And every time I was rejected in my dream, there was a pretty clear reason for it. Mainly, it is a lack of concrete evidence that I am capable of doing this job which I claim to want to do, or a lack of concrete evidence that I am capable and willing to learn the workings of this job which I want to do.

After all, I am struck every day by images of things going wrong because people didn't do their jobs. The very computer I'm working on is full of bugs and imperfections because someone didn't take their job seriously enough. I am amazed that Intel's processors actually work after hearing about all the bugs built into the physical structure of their chips. I'm amazed that Windows Vista runs anything at all. And these are the best of the best, building these computers. These are the smartest people with the best, most prestigious jobs.

And what about when the stakes are even higher, or rather, when the stakes are of a human nature? What about doctors, surgeons, policemen, and the military? When a policeman makes a mistake, not only is he guilty of not taking his job seriously enough, but he undermines the legitimacy of the state that he represents. When a policeman unintentionally kills someone with a taser, the entire government is accused of fascism.

Our world is riddled with incompetence, and here I am asking for potential employers to give me a chance? Without solid evidence?

This is what makes me glad that we go through hard times. Economically, I'm thinking, though it could also apply to things like wartime, and natural disasters. What a recession does for us, is make it harder to succeed as an incompetent. Either you smarten up, or your whole company, industry, or country, goes down the drain. The theory goes: someone else will rise up to replace you. And that someone will, at least in the beginning, be smarter than you, more competent, more efficient.

But what does this mean for me? Well, it means going in there without evidence and asking them to "give me a chance, I can learn" is not going to cut it. I'm going to have to learn a heck of a lot first, and then approach them. I'm going to have to make myself irresistable.

What else does this mean? Well, it means every time I consider a company, I'm going to have to ask myself tough questions about whether I really want to go there. This is no longer just my vetting process, or the vetting process of myself. This is a vetting process for both parties. I have to examine them, and recognize how much I approve of their activities, and whether I think they deserve me as a member. And I'm going to have to reject a few organizations myself.