Let's All Be Half a Year Older

This is a cross-posting from the Dozens Online forum: http://z13.invisionfree.com/DozensOnline/index.php?showtopic=512

Did you know that in some Asian countries, they count your age as an ordinal number of years you've been outside your mother? In other words, a newborn baby is said to be 1 year old, or in his first year. Consequently, if you ask a person their age (it's not really important which country I'm talking about, but I think it may have been China), you'll get an answer that's inflated by 1.

In Japan, there exists some of the world's longest-lived people. Some say it's a matter of genetics. Some say it's their diet of fish and rice. And others cite the respect and esteem in which they hold their old people.

Since it's trendy to generalize and denigrate North Americo-European culture, I'll do so here: we just don't afford our elders the respect they deserve. Further, too many of us balk at the idea of being considered older. In this post, I'm suggesting everyone add half a year to the age they tell everyone they are. When asked "how old are you?" Calculate your answer by your half-birthday from now on.

I realize this won't be popular. People around North America and Europe seem to think it a great compliment to be told "you look ten years younger than your actual age". Feh!

Of course, before age 21, everyone looks forward to birthdays, because they represent getting to be able to do new things. Drive. Drink. Vote. Etc. After 21, the only thing to look forward to is the retirement age, at which you can start collecting a pension. And before you get to be part of that sweet deal, your other milestones include things like prostate exams.

Anyways, the meat of my proposal is that we should answer the question "how old are you?" by rounding to the nearest year. That way we're not privileging cardinals over ordinals. Every year on your half-birthday, your age advances by 1. Your age does not advance on your birthday. You can still celebrate your birthday, if you want, but you are no longer permitted to say "well I sure feel different now that I'm 29 instead of 28. That sentence is reserved for your half-birthday.

Incidentally, you are no longer permitted to ask anyone on their actual birthday "do you feel older?" Now you must ask this question on their half-birthday. In fact, any day will do, but half-birthday is the new comedically appropriate time to ask this timelessly droll question.